How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Randomize
