She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Randomize
