new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize
