you mean i was at the winter classic?
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
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