I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
