Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
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