Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
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