So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Randomize
