i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Randomize
