she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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