I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize