Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Randomize
