so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
