Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
my phone needs a breathalizer
so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Let's get the cat blown out
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
