If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Randomize
