We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
grandma shit on top of the toilet
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
