Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
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