Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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