The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
