I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
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