His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
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