Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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