I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
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