I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
