Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
i can't believe i had my finger in that
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
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