I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
Randomize
