its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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