God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
