Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
where does the pee come out of this thing
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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