ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Randomize
