I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Randomize
