I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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