I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
We need to get me chipped asap
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