apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
My penis needs a shock collar
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Randomize
