and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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