the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Randomize
