Everything about him screamed your future.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
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