im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
Randomize
