yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
