Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
