If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
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