is your mom at the bar?
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
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