i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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