Michael Bay diarrhea
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
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