i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
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