My hand turned me down
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
I touched a dick in church today
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
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