We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
