There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize
