Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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