from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Randomize
