from now on my penis is your penis
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
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