I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
