I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
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