like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
Randomize