I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
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