Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
Randomize
