he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
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