Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
you didnt know i had herpes?
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
