Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
Naked. naked and bneed help.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
Randomize
