i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
