He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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