I think i sorta joined a cult last night
dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
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