I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
That was an excessively violent trivia night
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
