the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
