I just cut my nipple shaving
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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