what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Randomize
