He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
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