We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
Randomize
