She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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